That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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