We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
