I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
