Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This house was built for laser tag.
vagina is talking i cant
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
