Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
