If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
