I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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