every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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