Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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