hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
