i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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