dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize