Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
