Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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