atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
