i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
