i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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