Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
