I want to have your abortion
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
