I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
