I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
