The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
