Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize