Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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