come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
