wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
