I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
