who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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