New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize