my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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