just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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