All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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