the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
