I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
