hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
