I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
