Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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