i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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