How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
