I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize