why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
