i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
