you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
