I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
