Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
