i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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