Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
