Girls should come with a carfax report
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
