sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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