Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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