I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
