my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
