Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize