i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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