I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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