I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
