Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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