bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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