the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
