I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
