hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
