i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize