I want to have your abortion
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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