This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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