I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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