..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
