My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
