I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
