im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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