My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
