In the future we'll all be gay
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
