I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
