Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
