he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
