It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
