Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
