just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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