so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Houston, we have a blender
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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