You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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