I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
