They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
