I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize