You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
