He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My life is pants optional.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
