talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
