I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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