I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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