My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
