I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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