I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
