i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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