your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
