Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
