And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
