if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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