I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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