i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sorry about my life...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
