the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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